Here at Westchester Health, we want you to be safe as well as healthy and happy, which is hard to do if you’re you’re in an abusive relationship. According to a survey by the CDC, 23% of females and 14% of males who have experienced abuse by an intimate partner first experienced it between the ages of 11 and 17 years. And because much of abuse is not reported, those numbers are probably much higher. If you’re in an abusive relationship and are wondering what to do or how to get out of it, please read this blog by Lauren Adler, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician with our Westchester Health Pediatrics group (excerpted below). Remember, there’s help out there. You don’t have to suffer in silence.
How healthy is your relationship? Here’s how to know.
To find out if you are in a healthy or abusive relationship, ask yourself these 10 questions from Psychology Today. Answering “yes” to any of them is a warning sign that you may be in a relationship that is not good for you.
- Does your partner isolate you from your family and friends?
- Does your partner make you feel like everything is your fault?
- Does your partner physically, verbally, sexually, emotionally, mentally and/or financially abuse you?
- Does your partner control where you go?
- Does your partner control what you say, who you can or can’t talk to?
- Does your partner control what you wear?
- Does your partner threaten you in any way?
- Does your partner force you to do things you don’t want to do (including sex or other sexual things)?
- Does your partner make you cry more than smile?
- Does your partner argue with you all the time? Call you names? Put you down?
Why teen dating violence happens
Violence in a relationship is often related to certain risk factors. The risk of having unhealthy relationships increases for teens who:
- Believe that dating violence is acceptable
- Are depressed, anxious or have other symptoms of trauma
- Display aggressive behaviors
- Use alcohol, drugs or other illegal substances
- Engage in early sexual activity and have multiple sexual partners
- Have a friend involved in teen dating violence
- Have conflicts with a partner
- Witness or experience violence at home
Need help getting out of an abusive relationship? Here are some important tips.
- Communicating with your partner, learning how to manage anger and jealousy, and treating each other with respect are a few ways to keep relationships healthy and nonviolent.
- However, if you’re in an abusive relationship, you need to get out of it. Breaking up with someone who’s abusive can be really hard, especially if you love them. Just keep reminding yourself that you have to do what’s best for you. It’s not right for anyone to hurt you, make you feel bad about yourself, or pressure you to do things you don’t want to do.
- Don’t be afraid to ask your parents, friends, a relative, a teacher or school counselor for help. Tell them what the other person has done to you and how they are treating you. Remember, the first step is telling someone about it.
- When you’re ready to break up, don’t let your partner talk you out of it. If they threaten to hurt you or themselves or someone else, tell an adult you trust right away. Your safety is the most important thing. For more advice on ending abusive relationships, visit LoveisRespect.com.
Need help? Call these numbers
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline
- National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline
- National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
- Abusive Relationships
- Is Your Teen in an Abusive Relationship?
- Are You in an Abusive Relationship?
- Abusive Teen Dating Relationships
What is discussed with us stays with us
At Westchester Health, we want you to know that you can talk to us about relationships, your body, sex, sexuality, drugs, your parents, peer pressure, anything at all — and we will keep it confidential. Most of all, we want to help you be healthy, happy and safe, in any way we can.
Need to talk to someone about an abusive relationship? Come see us.
If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, or you know that you are, please call (914) 232-1919 to make an appointment with one of our Westchester Health pediatricians. We’re here for you and we can get you help. We want you to know that we’ll do everything we can to support you and what you’re going through, and help you get a safe, healthy resolution. Whenever, wherever you need us, we’re here for you.
To read Dr. Adler’s blog in full, click here.